Become your enemy's best friend.
1. Smile- this is the ground rule to maintain any relationship. Always smile on your enemy’s face. Though you hate to see his face, scold him in your mind and wish him with your mouth.
Ex: Hey (idiot and a half)…how are you doing?
Though you will have some tough time carrying the right expression, im sure you will do pretty well in a week’s time. We live in a huge society where public relations matter the most, these kinds of acts are vital. To be short, be like the page 3 types.
2. Create an anonymous mail account and write a mail to your enemy containing the highest degree of awful words mixed with a worst slang you can ever imagine. Doing this everyday will make you feel contented and you will also enjoy watching the disturbed expression on your enemy’s face while opening his/her mailbox. Ensure that you write short mails, only 2-3 lines. If possible, start off from the subject line itself so that the enemy will have no option to delete before reading it.
After doing this for few days, walk up to your enemy and say that you are receiving anonymous mails containing gross messages. Surprised, he/she would start sharing the same concern with you believing that they are not the only souls on earth receiving such mails. This will develop emotional attachment in your enemy’s heart and you will become his good friend. Poor soul will never know that you are in fact polishing your acting skills.
Even if your enemy cracks the world’s dumbest joke...Laugh, praise and applaud. When you do this, make sure to point your index finger towards him. This will save your image because other guys around will think you are laughing at the person and not at his joke. Don’t worry; your enemy will not misunderstand you as he already carries a good impression. (Important: Make sure you point the right finger, else the above 2 steps go waste).
4. Start a community in orkut “We hate xxxxx “. If you are a guy with lot of patience create as many false accounts as you can and add them in that community. Majority will also show strength. Post topics in the community about your enemy’s behavior or attitude. Update it everyday and send the link to your enemy using the anonymous mail account.
5. If he’s an office colleague, steal his ID, locker keys or important files and enjoy the trouble on his face while swiping in/out. Finally, when he gives up hope…return his belongings saying that the security guard found them. You will become a life-saver and at this moment, you are his best friend.
During this entire process, do a little research and know your enemy’s feeble points and top level secrets. God forbid, in case you fight or if your enemy comes to know that you are a miserable actor…do not lose hope. Use the ultimate weapon-Blackmail to leak all his/her secrets or post them in CNN-IBN’s citizen journalist’s blog with the heading ‘Threat to nation’.
Sometimes…experience speaks. This is how we become a worst enemy and a best friend at the same time ;)