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Twelfth June

12th June. This is when it all began. I took a life-changing decision, on this day, twelve years back. The decision to start my career, and that's how I entered this abyss. Does it get darker as we go ahead? For some reason, the flashlight on my phone doesn't really help here.

Rewinding to 12th June 2017, the day which broke the routine of 2015 and 2016. If years are calculated based on the significant changes in our lives, I'd be probably eight years old now. How nice it would be actually. People won't spam our timelines with Birthday wishes unless something significant happens. This is my problem, I get sidetracked easily. Let me focus on the date.
12th June 2017 - The day I entered Europe, or Deutschland to be precise. New country, a new assignment including a new set of expectations. Sorry, I have to deviate from the date again to give you some background.

It's been a while since I wrote about myself on this blog. I think it will help you to get a perspective o…

I don't know

Aren’t you feeling anxious, now that you’ve crossed 30?, my twin sister asked. Anxious about what? Don’t you feel life is running too fast and you don’t know if you will be able to do all those things you dreamed of? I never had many dreams or expectations in the first place, I replied.

This is an easy statement. It sounds like I’m taking an easy route for a living. It sounds like an escape. It’s succumbing more than enduring. Success and failure are mere bodies, minus the soul, in these transitory moments. I’m still looking for answers to the most basic questions. What do I like? What makes me happy? Is success rated by weighing your high vs low moments? Like a see-saw, except, when one entity starts weighing more than the other the fun is all gone.

I’ve become too boring and philosophical over the years. I can’t believe I just wrote an entire paragraph defending my laziness. This is what happens when the mind contradicts the heart. What am I trying to say here? Nothing but the usual, …

HER

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She wanted me to write something about her. It seemed like a mountainous job, for I didn't know what I've been feeling ever since I married her. There were no butterflies in stomach, never day dreamed about her, hardly spoke on the phone for hours. Do I really love her? What is love? Is it the feeling I had when I saw my first crush in school? Or is it the feeling that drives us to do the craziest things on earth?

Holy moly! Why did I marry her then? She asked me this question a hundred times but never got a satisfactory answer. Do I have an answer? Can there be a reason behind marriage? If yes, does it become conditional? 'Do you love me?', she asks. I stare at my own thoughts.

It's been almost two years now. Neither my life nor my lifestyle has changed. She let me be myself. I know no one loves me the way she does. How do I know? I just know. What does she do to make me feel that way? Nothing much. She screams, she fights, she does what she wants. Then how does it …

There was a cold day...

I haven't experienced snow. I haven't experienced sub zero temperatures. I never lived in antarctica. As a hyderabadi, I never thought i'd rant about weather. This winter has been exceptional though. I always loved winters but this season I realised how much I underestimated the power of winters. I even wore thermals for the first time ever.

Every object lying around is cold. I get down from bed and the floor sends a cold current through my legs. I struggle to stand near the wash basin while brushing my teeth; although most of us like to walk around the entire house while brushing teeth. Hot water becomes cold too soon and clothes, instead of offering us protection, have become lethal.

I had been to agra last week and the experience was no less than a nightmare. It looked like Sun had asked rain to hold the fort while he went on a long vacation. A very bad choice, I must say.

Soon as I came back to hyderabad, I saw people wearing surgical masks and talking about vaccinations …

As Good As Dead

When I started writing blogs, almost 8 years ago, my only aim was to entertain the reader. I dreamt of creating 'energy' through this medium. I had a quote on the sidebar, back then on blogger, "one post a day keeps boredom away". I had so much to write when I was in college. I thought my readership will grow once I start working as I assumed an entire organization might start following my blog. How stupid was I. Things changed..err, in fact my thinking changed after I started working. I had more to complain than to write. Frequency of my posts came down year after year and the inspiration to write further took a beating when some guys suggested that I should write columns for Deccan Chronicle or The Times of India, because I always considered them as substandard. I know my language skills aren't that great too. These days I write because I have a blog and I don't want to delete it. I'm supplying it with enough words to survive but it's as good as dea…

Kya tho bhi!

Any event that is being discussed more than required starts to annoy me. A lot of such events/processes are already discussed at work which are unavoidable. You like it or not, sometimes, you have to be part of a never ending conversation. That's the problem with words. A picture with a beautiful caption attracts more eyes than a picture with no caption. Over the last few weeks, there have been many such events that went viral. Terrorist attacks, Dhoni's retirement, outrage over PK, New Year, etc.

Is it really so important to have an opinion on everything? The moment you choose to be silent, it's misunderstood as being ignorant. I've seen expressions on few faces which are like 'how can you be so calm and not react?'. You like it or not, you got to have an opinion. Debating about an event on any social platform is just pointless. It just never ends. There's just so much anger everywhere. The 9 PM news hour is one of the best example. Our approach itself conc…

Interstellar

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Before watching Interstellar

While watching Interstellar

Climax of Interstellar

After watching Interstellar